Expedition Log

Photo credit


The First Float
Lower Sandy from Dabney State Recreation Site (RM 6) to Lewis and Clark State Recreation Site (RM 2)

Team: VK, JK, JS, CK,KK, KM, ?, ?
Expedition Notes:
First float of the society.
JS injures back in a courageous beer pose.



Tube: Part 2, Revenge of the Beer Barge
Oxbow Regional Park (RM 13) to Lewis and Clark State Recreation Site (RM 2)

Team: JK, VK, NH, MP, AP, CK, SL, SW, M,
Expedition Notes:
An endurance feat of over eight hours.
Some team members incapacitated.
M. lost
Liche’s hand discovered.
The river of puke occurred.
Noone shall be held accountable for their actions on this float.
Offerings made to the river gods include: AP’s hat, NH’s shirt.



The Third Float: The Tire Float
Oxbow Regional Park (RM 13 ) to Dabney State Recreation Site (RM 6)
Team: SL, ML, CK, KK, JK, VK
JK rolls tire down a hill
Rope swing discovered



The Continental Luxury Float
Lower Sandy from Dabney State Recreation Site (RM 6) to Lewis and Clark State Recreation Site (RM 2)

Team: VK, SL, RP, AP, MP
Expedition Notes:
JK and ML shore crew


The Hooky Float
Lower Sandy from Dabney State Recreation Site (RM 6) to Lewis and Clark State Recreation Site (RM 2)

Team: VK, SL, NH, CK, JS
Expedition Notes:
SL imbibes in smoke offering on Frog Rock.
K’s head found
Rain during float was beautiful



Sam Turtle Shore Crew

Team: VK, JK, JS, SL,
Expedition Notes:

JS and SL roll down the hill.



Tippy Canoe Float
Lower Sandy from Dabney State Recreation Site (RM 6) to Lewis and Clark State Recreation Site (RM 2)

Team: VK, JS, SL, ML
Expedition Notes:
Team ended at The Tippy Canoe
JK shore crew


The Great Burn Float
Lower Sandy from Dabney State Recreation Site (RM 6) to Lewis and Clark State Recreation Site (RM 2)

Team: VK, AK, AF, RP
Expedition Notes:
JK shore crew
AK incurs serious burns from expedition.


Sam & Mina Float
Clackamas River: Barton to Carver

Team: SL, ML
Expedition Notes:
SL inadvertently horrified crawdad
Beautiful float by house with no one on river to Claire De Lune



Moulton Falls: Football Friends Kick Off
Moulton Falls Park, Clark County, Washington
45.8282  -122.3895

Team: VK, JK, SL, ML
Expedition Notes:
Football friends kick off swim.
Seahawks won later that day.



Charles in Charge
Moulton Falls Park, Clark County, Washington
45.8282  -122.3895

Team: JK, VK, SL, ML, CK, JS, EW
Expedition Notes:
Dagoth tried to take aerobi, Charles retrieved
Team jumped off Mammoth rock
SL, VK did amazing back flips
Charles in Charge jumps off bridge!


Sam, Mina, Justin, Emily Float
Clackamas River: Barton to Carver

Team: ML, SL, JS, EW
Expedition Notes:

JS and SL connecting on first ever key locked in car mini game
Cold float due to shade
Mini game won when introvert transformed to extrovert and called triple A with help of old Harley dude


Hummus Float
Clackamas River: Barton to Carver

Team: CK, JS, ML, SL
Expedition Notes:

CK did first ever diving with open beer contest
King’s Harvest founder bequeathed us a Hummus due to CK’s shouting
JS and SL wore river paint and acted crassly
Lots of diving off shelf


Tail Bone Float/ Shore Crew

Team: VK, JS, JK,, ML, SL
Expedition Notes:
First ever tail bone float down shallow rapids, warned by Log jam lady that it would be shallow.




5.24.14 – 5.26.14

Camp Oopy Doopy Discovery
Camp Oopy Doopy, Tillamook State Forest
45.638125, -123.552828

Team: K&K&K&K & SLx2
Expedition Notes:
Team stopped for BJ’s in Forest Grove.
Hope was almost lost finding a site in the Tillamook forest, but team persevered against all odds, finally reaching the promised land.
VK & JK visited local forestry center to relay directions to the rest of the team.
SL & ML day visitors, “Sap Ass” officially coined.
Many oopy doopys visited camp and supped on marshmallows.
On the second night, team encounters torrential rain.
VK & JK wake to a freezing lake in their tent at midnight.
Tarping procedures were unrefined.
Breakfast on Monday morning at a local logger’s restaurant in the woods.



First Shore Crew of the Year

Lewis and Clark State Recreation Site (RM 2)

Team: K&K&K&K
Expedition Notes:
Water too cold to swim much



Sittin’ River

Lewis and Clark State Recreation Site (RM 2)

Team: VK, JK, ML, JS
Expedition Notes:
Chairs arranged in the river.
Diving for M&M’s



The Goat Float: Never Let Go (First of it’s Name)
Clackamas River: Barton to Carver

Team: JS, VK, JK, CV, KK, NH, SLx2 , AP, MP

Expedition Notes:
First float of 2014 season.
First annual river race, CV v.s. VK. CV winner by 1 second.
Two dogs spotted on the float.
River Rats named Watchers on The Wall
VK lost flip flops to the river gods.
Team successfully avoided the cesspool.
CV stung by one of Dagoth’s lower tier servants.


The Dougan Dunk
Dougan Falls, Washougal River, WA
45.67263 N   -122.15262 W

Team: JS, VK, CV, KK , AP, MP, MB

Expedition Notes:
Team traveled by caravan to the incredible natural area.
Locals require $11.50 cash offering to swim, calling it a “discovery pass”
Water temperature very low.
Two team members injured by Dagoth’s tentacles.
Many of Dagoth’s lower minion biting flies present.
Team traveled via rafts down the lower rapids.
First annual game of “Diving for Dagoth’s Pearls” introduced. CV + JS tied for win, VK in second. MB appointed official announcer of games.
One frisbee lost to the River Gods.
Team plans to explore other sites on the Washougal river post haste.
Side note from K residence later: Death, death, death, death, death.



The Log Jam
Lower Oneonta Falls, The Gorge, Oregon
45.5896° N, 122.0754° W

Team: JS, VK, JK, SLx2

Expedition Notes:
VK & JK waylaid
JS narrowly avoids injury in log jam crash
Team notes depths of 50+ feet and extremely low water temperature
Force of waterfall is incredible
Team members scale rocks and explore behind the falls


The Dan Float
Team: DP, SL, JS, ML

Expedition Notes:
SL ate melted Snickers bar he found on the ground.


Keith Sister Swim

Clackamas River: Carver

Team: VK, AK
Expedition Notes:
VK nearly lost her shit after they turned us away at Barton.



First Annual Ocean Rat Surfing Competition and Kubb Invitational
Tierra Del Mar, Oregon
45.252765, -123.967369

Full Team: KK, CK, SL, ML, NH, VK, JK, JS
Surfing Team: VK, SL, CK, JS
Kubb teams: Newport vs. NonNewport, Dagoth vs. Catholicism, Bad Penis, Knoxi vs NonKnoxi

Expedition Notes:
First annual games held in honor of CK & KK first anniversary
Longest Kubb game in known history recorded. Knoxi crowned winners
First ever Ocean Rat trials and surfing competition held
Camp Blood successfully introduced and refined
Sand and Hole dogs discovered at games
KK loses voice during Balderdash finals
Other events at invitational: Left hand football, 500, Name Game Hot Potata, Bullshit
Eight way beats last year’s record of seven.
Fun side note: no one puked!



Hooky Float 2: Swept Out to Sea: Tranquility: I can’t believe We Floated from Oxbow to Lewis and Clark: It’s Fall Now
Oxbow Regional Park (RM 13 ) to Dabney State Recreation Site (RM 6)

Team: VK, SL, ML, JS
Expedition Notes:
Team nearly incurs frost bite from cold waters
SL loses shoes, JS & VK retrieve and JS hides them
Blue heron, ducks, deer, horses (with ape riders), and geese sighted.
Apes successfully avoided again.
Seasons change from summer to fall during the length of the float.



Camp Oopy Doopy Redux
Camp Oopy Doopy, Tillamook State Forest
45.638125, -123.552828

Team: VK, JK, CK, KK, JS

Expedition Notes:
First encounter: impatient red neck in red pickup.
Pit stop in Forest Grove for morning BJs.
Game “Post Mortem” created and play-tested.
Team implements the best tarping that history has ever witnessed!
No rain!
Three oopy doopies found in the nick of time.
World renowned wood sculptor KK produces a breathtaking abstract piece.
First public performance of “The Culvert” by CV receives rave reviews.
Limited injuries include: VK cut herself with knife twice, trying to start a fire the ‘old fashioned way’ and CK burned on skillet.

Important Quotes:

“I’ll be your huckleberry.”

“Let’s get this party started!”

“Gimme all you got!”

“I need a good hard fax.”




Moulton Falls: PM Edition
Moulton Falls Park, Clark County, Washington
45.8282  -122.3895

Team: VK, JK, JS
Expedition Notes:
First swim of the year, at the latest hour yet.



Three Gorge Eagles
Lower Oneonta Falls, The Gorge, Oregon
45.5896° N, 122.0754° W

Team: JS, VK, JK, TR (special guest)

Expedition Notes:
Rude man at the gas station
At least three bald eagles spotted in a nest on the way to the falls.
Lost fish found.
VK and JS did well considering foot injuries.
JS dove into waterfall.
The males of our group out-climbed and were the envy of others watching.
Pistachios are a good after-swim snack.



The “Getting to Know You” Swim
Dougan Falls, Washougal River, WA
45.67263 N   -122.15262 W

Team: JS, VK, JK, RK (special guest)

Expedition Notes:
“Burgerville was a great breakfast!” – RK
JS encounters a woman he saw nude the night before.
JK & JS play “chicken”
JK and RK’s first time to Dougan.
VK gets bitten by one of Dagoth’s lower minion flies on arm.
JK eats a cherry for the first time.
New drink invented, “Cherry Bush.” Discretion is advised saying drink name in public.
JK dives!
Group special moves: RK: Corkscrew, JK: Jukey Roll, JS: Frog Kick Dive, VK: Olympic No Splash Dive.
VK wins swimming underwater distance trial.
JS displays his bum to the group.
JS uses JK’s junk as a hand hold.
Entire group has success cliff jumping.
VK jumps off a cliff and then scares everyone by swimming away before coming up for air.
Expedition takes the team behind two waterfalls.
Shoes are a good thing at Dougan.
JS dives into water and splashes lady, says “Sorry.”  Lady rudely replies, “I bet you are.” then RK replies, “He’s not really.”
JS saves a little girl’s life who was careening down the falls uncontrollably. Her fall is broken by JS’s neck.
JS jumps over RK off a bridge.
Upon further review, maybe pistachio shells should have gone in the trash.
During dry off period, JS sees river boobs.
RK’s iPhone screen sacrificed to the river gods on last step of the swim.
Aside from scratches, bruises and general wearyness, sunburns remain the biggest unanswered question.
Group is able to crash a family dinner consisting of KK, CK and AK later at Peter’s. We forced them to come inside and play Simpson’s guessing game.
P.S. Cashier was the best character given. Way to break the mold, KK.




8.29.2015 – 8.30.2015
It Rained On Our Parade Camp Trip
Green Canyon Campground, Mt Hood National Forest, Oregon
45.283° N, 121.942° W

Team: VK, JK, CK, KK, AK (her first kamparoo)

Expedition Notes:
A little silver mouse who came to visit us to say hi to the littlest camper.
Creepy camp residents were trying to check out our shit.
Beautiful full moon
Instead of repelling water, our tarps started collecting water.
Rained out on day two
An epic day of playing Forbidden Desert at the K residence later.




4.27.2015 – 4.29.2015
The Brand New Camp
Panther Creek, Gifford Pinchot Forest, Washington
45.843018, -121.860590 (approx)

Team: VK, JK, CK, KK, AK

Expedition Notes:
Edgar Winter soothsayer
Bridge Gods required one dollar in sacrifice. You will be arrested and your car pushed off the bridge if you don’t pay!
Gobbler’s Knob
The K family successfully scouted a spot early, next to Panther Creek.
Panthers, cougars, mountain lions, and pumas are all the same animal.
J whittles a beautiful loon. V&K aren’t as successful with their spoons.
Bath time baby tidal wave.
New game created: called “Git!”  Throw a log into the river, and then throw rocks at it until it is out of sight.
Other games of note: Post Mortem, Grandma’s Attic, Last Man Stanton.
In Grandma’s attic there is a bed, a snake, a book, a TV, Wilfred Brimly, Diabetes Medicine, a window, Archie Bunker, a waving leaf, a tree, Timber Joey, dirt, an electric skillet, fleas, a stained glass window, tears, an ice cream cone, Cats! the Musical, Arizona, Nick Cage, a hot dog, a surfer, a goblin, an orc, a mountain, the high seas, a lemonade stand, Milhouse, little red wagon, a fluffy white dog.
No rain!
A tick!
Forest Fest ’14 are deemed our camping nemesis.
L Family thwarted due to poop explosion in car seat.

Notable Quotes:
“Don’t let the river bugs bite!”



Merlin Lake Day
Lake Merwin, Washington
45.962598, -122.544166 (approx)

Team: KK, CK, AK, VK, JK, SL, ML, AL

KK is the red haired girl, CK is Laverne, the girl who gets molested by Randy while she’s asleep.

CK & JK venture out early in search of provisions, VK & KK were thankful.

Team traveled to Merlin Lake, saw horse butts and pigs on the way,  “It’ll burn off”
L L L Lightbody Link Up successful!
Best lake fire ever, started by road flare
AK’s first lake swim!
Guest appearance by Roscoe the dog, whose best friend was JK, “He’s my piddle paddle buddy.
AL dazzled the team with his rock-in-cup skills
KK & CK stung by Dagoth’s lesser minion stinging nettles
VK skipped her first rock!
AK, AL, SL, VK & KK tasted rocks. They were good!
JK, CK, & SL were very European in the lake
Bald Eagles flying overhead
VK tries to scare SL but he saw her the whole time swimming slowly towards him
Team loved CK’s new hatchet
ML introduced AK to “Going on a Bumpy Ride” and it was a smashing hit!
ML also sang a beautiful rendition of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”
Very impressive team rock throwing performance “GIT!” finale
Team successfully avoided the lake ooze monster

Grandfather Salmon Camp
9.24.2016 – 9.25.2016
Mt Hood National Forest, Oregon
45.377515, -121.851779

Team: KK, CK, AK, VK, JK

Expedition Notes:
KK feels a pull to the East rather than the North
“I cant wait to murder everyone in the woods. Oops. Mistext.” – CK
“The ultimate game of post mortem.” – KK
“I will have a camp story to tell you guys entitled ‘murder murder murder murder’ ” – VK
KK fjords the culvert.
Best sandwiches ever.
Incredible salmon spawning in the stream.
VK catches her first fish… with her bare hands.
Fish sounds at night were really loud




Ships passing in the Night
Moulton Falls Park, Clark County, Washington
45.8282  -122.3895

Team:  JK, VK, JS

Expedition Notes:
VK and JK find new parking lot and path
Lifeguard doggo tries to save everyone
JS arrives, does not locate rest of team.
Takes pictures where team is visible.


Baby Bay
Dabney State recreation area, near upper take out

Team:  JK, VK, KK, CK, AK, ML, SL, AL, GL

Expedition Notes:
Dead bird on path
Baby Bay built
L team successfully found K team
Anchored tube in river


The Sundae Float
Lower Sandy from Dabney State Recreation Site (RM 6) to Lewis and Clark State Recreation Site (RM 2)

Team:  JK, JS, VK

Expedition Notes:
First float of the year
The river turned to ice about an hour in
We didn’t see sun after that
Pizza and ice cream afterwards


D&D Away Game
7.21.17 – 7.23.17
Lost Lake

Team:  AP, VK, KK, CK, AK, NH, JK, JS, CD, BD, SL, ML, AL, GL

Expedition Notes:
Not much actual D&D
Late night cannabis funnies
Squirt guns attack on chippies
Stinky bathrooms
Cactus float
AL makes people pull rocks from the lake and throw them


The Van Float
Oxbow to Dabney

Team:  JK, VK, CK, SL, JS, CD, AP, MP, AD, DD, et al

Expedition Notes:
SL: You are all witnesses to a “great became-ing”
<porn redacted>
A trek to find crocs ends up in Troutdale
JS has the best navigation tips
Packed ten people in the van with tubes and provisions
Amazing ham and butter sandwiches from CD
SL despondent in van on ride over from bottom of float to top.
<tilts head, points to the sky> Think about it.
JK’s fan club on the shores, AKA previous employer BBQ
Float time warp – three hours becomes at least six.
Items lost to the old river gods: JK water bottle, JK sunglasses
Team performs tear down and disposal up of huge raft
CV’s shoulder is fucked
Team morale quite low at end of float

“If you and your model friends were planning on heading back out there to collect your punctured inflatable island, don’t worry about it. We ripped it open, drained the water and disposed of it already. Like you should’ve to begin with.” – JS

“Life is like a float, you go in full of marvel and potential. Giddy like stupid like a child. At the start it’s a rush of deep swells and soaring take offs but over time the shadows grow long and water grows stills and the best you could hope for it die on the shores of your homeland.” – CV
Think about it.

The “Greatest Float Ever”
Clackamas River upper Miles McGiver to lower

Team:  JK, VK, AP, DD, AD, et al.

Expedition Notes:
Shortest float ever
Very fun rapids
The Sentinals = dead trees at end of float
Vittles after in Estacada at Viking pub


Fort Awsome
8.10.2018 – 8.11.2018
Tillamook National Forest, Oregon
45.53.6799, -123.539003

Team: KK, CK, AK, MK, CM, VK, JK, LM

Expedition Notes:

Impending doom in the forecast
MK’s first camping trip
Camp Oopy Doopy clear cut
A friendly camp guide NPC suggested Jordan Creek to the first wave of explorers
Fort Awsome founded
Team JK&L followed a trail of notes to Fort Awsome
A suspicious NPC road encounter
Best camping swimming hole ever
Awesome dutch oven spaghetti and “burn my mouth” balls
Lots of guessing games & what’s your favorite…?, what would you be…?
“I hope I forget this soon” – CM
CM – glowing ember sparkler, camping stick masterIn grandmother’s attic there is: A peacock, a kitten with a yellow ribbon, a cigar, Chuck, a dentist, a scalpel, freshly sliced mango, lemon mambas, the black mamba, a kazoo, super cala fragilistic expialidocious, an emu, floss, dentures, a turtle, an avocado, an eyeball
Glow sticks party time
Four wheeler NPCs
Wonderful creek sounds at night
Best camping breakfast ever: croissant-wiches
The rain came
Lake Lee founded
Fort Awsome flooded and abandoned
Post camp hot dogs with special guests: NK, SL, ML, AL, GL


Photo from The Falls Society Archive


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